His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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