She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
