she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
