Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize