He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
