I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
