I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Randomize
