Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
