Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
