VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
