Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Someone came in the potted fern
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
