i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Randomize
