My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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