Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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