It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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