You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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