He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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