yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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