I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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