Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
