You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
