she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize