According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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