Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
