so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
