im gay
i know
yea but for you.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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