GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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