Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
