# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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