she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
