I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
