waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
