I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize