Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
