I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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