Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
