im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I think my vagina is haunted
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
there is puke in my bra ... again
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
