A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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