When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
