He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
