dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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