Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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