Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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