cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Randomize
