i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
