yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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