I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
