He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
