On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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