you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize
