none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
