Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Everyone says I win the strip club
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
