now i know why i became what i already was.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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