She just used a chaser for red wine.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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