come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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