big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
are you so shy because you have an std?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize