I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
