Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
