I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
