it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize