I can't watch pbs sober anymore
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She told me I should be a condom model.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
