I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
