I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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