Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Porn is love you can see.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
