You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
